A wit's a feather, and a chief a rod;
An honest man's the noblest work of God.
POPE: _Essay on Man,_ Epis. iv., Line 247.

School Report Generator

Some teachers go to pieces writing reports. They are supposed to write positive comments even when there is nothing positive on which to comment. There is none more positive than His Holiness Swami Chanjindapokit Baktanimbin, which is why he created this Handy Dandy Report Generator for the neurologically oppressed pedagogue. Just fill in the child's name and sex (the roll-book will assist), hit submit, and let the Swami do the rest.

The child's first name. (They do indeed usually have first names. The roll-book may assist):

The child's sex. This is often a difficult thing to determine. Watch out for clues, like pronoun use by parents. The name of the school (eg Finchley Boys High) may be an indicator: